All Categories - MICHELLE DELAROSA THERAPY, LCPC, LLC

Be Present...Live in The Moment Now!

7/16/2015

Being in the moment. In this crazy, hectic, always on the go world, maybe slowing down and being fully present could be just what we need. Turning off the technology and carving out time to engage in real conversation could just be the best medicine to our stressed out lives. When we truly connect with our loved ones, we can find joy in the big things, the little things and everything in between. And, we’ll probably find that we didn’t really miss anything nearly as important in those other distractions.

For me, this is so important right now and something that I am really trying to consistently do. Be present in the moment. You see my boys will start high school next month as my husband and I enter the last chapter of raising our children. The reality that my boys will leave home and we will be “empty nesters” in just four short years is beginning to hit me like a ton of bricks. And those four years are likely to fly by. Right now I can’t imagine not waking up before sunrise to drag myself into the car and get them off to school. Nor can I imagine that our home bustling with boy energy and noise, stuff everywhere, dirty boy bathrooms and the like will be replaced with order and quiet. Quiet, something I long for many days but ultimately don’t want when it comes at the price of not having my sweet little boys in our home anymore.

So I have chosen to fully embrace the next four years, to live into them, and to be present. Because I don’t want to look back in the rear view mirror driving away from their college dorm and realize that I missed it all. I want to make the most of every moment, every conversation, every question, every story and every opinion shared. I need to listen to them, really listen, so that I can experience their world and not assume that I know just how this is supposed to go. I will get a front row seat to all the changes that will grow them into the terrific young men that I know they will become. Most of all, I will live every day and not worry about what tomorrow will bring for it will be here soon enough. I will put that phone down, close the laptop, pause the remote and not let other things consume my time so that I can give them the time and the mom that they so deserve. I can’t wait to connect into these four years with my boys. What will you do to be present in your own life? Start today!

National Napping Day...To Nap or Not to Nap??

3/9/2015

In honor of National Napping Day, the question on my mind is to nap or not to nap? Not coincidentally, National Napping Day follows on the heals of losing an hour of sleep to Daylight Savings Time over the weekend. Enticing as it is, though, is napping a good thing for us? The answer to that is both “Yes” and “No”. Now you may say, “Um hello I work all day, so napping is not an option for me”. However, research has shown that a short twenty minute power nap can be very beneficial, improving alertness and energy the rest of the workday. In other countries, siestas are part of the culture. Everything slows to a stop so that people can recharge mentally and physically. I believe that they are onto something indeed especially living in our “Run, run, run”, sleep deprived culture.

Working with teenagers, I often hear about their routine after school naps and then their groans at my attempts to shorten or eliminate them. In many cases, these several hour naps will interfere with the sleep cycle, making it difficult to fall asleep at night. It creates a problem in that teens can’t sleep at night and then have to nap to make up the sleep debt after school.

So here is what sleep experts say about length of naps:

1. Ten to Twenty minute naps are ideal because the body doesn’t go into deep REM sleep so it is much easier to get up and moving with this short nap. These power naps create a boost in energy and increased alertness without the individual being groggy afterwards and struggling to get back into the routine.

2.  Thirty minute naps are restorative but present a challenge upon waking with overcoming the grogginess to reengage in your routine. This groggy feeling can last up to thirty minutes before the restorative benefit of the nap kicks in. Not a great option if you have to go right into a meeting or get in the car to pick up Johnny from school.

3.  Sixty minute naps will improve your ability to remember facts, faces and names. But again, this sleep will be accompanied by grogginess when awakening. This sleep is characterized as slow wave sleep which is also a deep sleep unlike the twenty minute naps that are non REM, light sleep.

4.  Ninety minute naps involve a full cycle of sleep, including light sleep as well as the restorative deep REM phase where an individual may even dream (maybe about work disappearing upon awakening). Unlike the other naps, this one is much easier to awake from without the grogginess. Naps of this length lead to improved emotional and procedural memory as well as creativity.

So, in conclusion, the best and most realistic nap for most of us is 20 minutes. However, if time allows, the 90 minute nap will do the most to restore memory, increase energy and alertness and even improve creativity.   A word of caution, though. Napping too late in the day may create challenges with sleep at bedtime, thereby increasing the stress that you just slept away. So now that you have the facts, “Happy Napping All”! I'm going to head to my couch to take a quick 20 minute snooze!

New Years Resolutions...How To Make Them and Make Them Stick

1/1/2015

With the beginning of a new year, there is always talk about New Years resolutions. Many people do them only to fail a few months or weeks into the new year. Other nay sayers refuse to face the failure by never making them in the first place. After all, change is hard. So if you want to increase your chances of being more successful this year, try these tips:
1.Pick meaningful goals and personalize them. Pick a resolution that will increase your happiness, reduce stress or make your life easier. So many people do the generic resolutions of lose weight, go to the gym or quit smoking, While these have value, they are pretty generic. Picking a more personal or meaningful goal may help you dedicate yourself to change. For instance, one of mine is to get to the office a half hour before my first client session of the day. This way I can get organized, get the mail, return messages, and brew a cup of coffee, ultimately putting me in a good mindset for the rest of the day. I'm hoping this new habit will eliminate some of the stress of traffic enroute to the office, waiting for the elevator that is invariably slow on rushed mornings and of getting frazzled managing last minute client phone calls.

2. Set small specific goals instead of general ones. For example instead of resolving to "lose weight", commit to exercising three days a week or only eating out once a week. The big goal of losing weight is too general. After all, once you lose one pound you're technically done. And resolving to lose 20, 30 or 40 lbs can be setting the bar too high. Breaking it into smaller steps is likely to be more successful and easier to track your success.
3. Be realistic with your goals. If you haven't worked out in months or even a year, your resolution to go to the gym everyday is doomed to fail. Set your sights at a more realistic goal of maybe getting to the gym three times a week. Otherwise you may quit as soon as you miss one day at the gym. Most people who resolve to exercise more fail by the third month into the year. Perhaps their goals were set too high.
4. Share your resolution with others to increase your accountability. Your best friend, spouse, kids or parents can be great reminders (even when you don't want them) to keep you on track.
5. Have a plan. Often writing down your plan to refer back to it and track your progress will help you stay on track. For instance, if you plan to declutter your house, come up with specific steps. Maybe it would involve tackling one room every two weeks, tackling piles of papers, purging closets of old clothes, and setting up a system for tossing, keeping and donating items.
6. Don't have a "Plan B". This discourages you from going full force at your goal if you know that there is an alternative. It makes giving up way too easy.
7. Don't get down on yourself if you fall short one day or week. Pick yourself back up and move forward. Don't fall into the all or none trap. A year is a long time. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. So keep going.

So resolve away to make 2015 a great year. Small changes or big, just do something! Make it personal and meaningful. And hopefully on New Years Eve, you can celebrate your success!

Take A Lesson From Buddy The Elf and Smile!

12/2/2014

We could all learn a lesson from Buddy the Elf. Smiling is the best way to change your mood around and cope with stress. Take time to enjoy this season in the midst of the hustle and bustle and take it in with the wonder of a child. Sometimes we overthink and overplan the holiday. Remember that there is no such thing as a "perfect Christmas" so stop stressing about it...and just smile!

Here are some interesting facts about smiling posted on the website Completely You:

1.  Smiling uses only 17 muscles when frowning uses 43.

2.  A woman on average smiles 62 times a day while men only average 8 smiles a day.

3.  Even a newborn is able to smile with the first one appearing within two hours of birth!

4.   Smiling has a stress reducing effect. A smile can also lower blood pressure and have a calming effect.

5.  Smiling makes us more attractive. In a study 69% of participants viewed a woman as younger and more attractive with a smile more so than make up.

6.  Smiling can prolong the years in your life and the quality of your life. A University of Illinois study showed that those who smile average a decade longer life expectancy.

7.  Smiling makes us feel good, inside and out. Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin, "the feel good chemical in your brain".

8.  Smiling can be an indicator of a happy marriage. More marriages of people who smile were also linked to happiness. It may result from smiling as a sign of being able to express emotions or that smilers attract happier mates.

9. Smiling can help boost immunity to fight that winter cold. Smiling causes your body to release antibodies and T cells.

10. Finally Smiling is contagious. Research shows that it is the body's natural response to smile or even slightly turn up the corners of your mouth even unconsciously.

So make it a good day and smile!

Mindfulness…Being in the Moment to Bring Calm to the Chaos

10/29/2014

Stressed from the chaos of your everyday life? Slow down and try to practice mindfulness, or living in the moment. After just spending the weekend in Door County with its majestic landscape of fall colors, I was able to disconnect from the stress of life and just be in the moment. How often do we just rush through our day, without stopping to really notice the world around us or our inner feelings? Sure this was easy to do in such a beautiful place with the brilliance of nature literally right beyond my balcony. But if we slow down every day and engage our minds and eyes in the present moment, we may just see things in a different perspective and experience calm. On your frenzied drive to the office, have you ever paused to marvel at the sunrise or really looked at the canopy of trees with their brilliant colors and leaves now blanketing the ground? It can help you forget that jerk you just cut you off or not think about the day you face ahead with your mounting list of tasks to get done. Try it sometime and see if it changes your perspective and brings you calm, even if just for a few moments!

Research has shown the positive effects of the practice of mindfulness. Studies show better quality of sleep, increased focus and productivity, improved mood, better weight management and lower rates of obesity. A study conducted at Brown University published last week revealed mindfulness' health benefit, particularly on cardiac health. Results showed an 83% improvement in markers of heart health when mindfulness was practiced. Employers like General Mills and Google have implemented mindfulness programs for their employees trying to capitalize on job satisfaction and productivity of its workers. The United States Marines has also implemented mindfulness programming for its personnel.

So instead of being stressed today, take some deep breaths, take in the world around you, and just be!

Five Ways to Beat Your Grumpy Monday Mood

10/27/2014

Let’s face it, almost nobody looks forward to Mondays. Coming off a fun and relaxing weekend and looking towards the work week, we all can get a case of the Monday blues. But there are some things that you can do to help you push through that grumpy Monday mood

1.  Make sure you get enough sleep Sunday night or catch up Monday night by turning in early. I am so guilty of not practicing what I preach here. The kids are in bed, leaving me with time to relax and to get ready for the week ahead. However research shows a mind body connection in which not getting enough sleep will lead to irritability and a down mood as well as a resulting decreased focus and productivity. That’s not a great start to a Monday!

2.  Stay well hydrated throughout the day. Often when we don’t drink enough water, our body feels tired and begins to crave high calorie, sugary foods that will just result in a quick boost in energy and then a crash. Though that turtle brownie sounds yummy around 2pm, resist the urge!

3.  Get out and take a walk. Try to squeeze one in even on your lunch break and come back feeling refreshed and more focused to tackle the rest of your day. Both the sunshine and exercise will do you good! Exercise releases those ‘feel good” chemicals in your brain called endorphins. And, we need a minimum of 20 minutes of sunshine a day to maintain a healthy Vitamin D level in our bodies. As we approach the winter months, some people experience seasonal affective disorder (or SAD), and need sunlight and increased Vitamin D to improve their mood. Then there are those of us who do believe that snow is indeed a four letter word!

4.  Find some quiet moments in your day to calm and relax your mind whether it is through mindfulness, yoga, meditation, praying or reading a devotional. Practice 10 minute mindfulness at your desk, clearing your mind of the day’s clutter and going to a place in your mind that is relaxing or makes you happy and peaceful (it can be real or imagined). Or just spend a few minutes taking slow deep breaths and letting them out slowly and deliberately.

5.  Find something to be grateful for every day. Or focus on something happy or positive. After all, you can’t have a positive and a negative thought at the same time so let the positive win out. And the law of attraction says that positive thoughts generate positive energy in return.

If all else fails, keep the coffee coming and avoid everyone until you’ve at least downed your first cup! Toss in a little chocolate (all things in moderation) and Monday is looking better already.

The 5 Things That Happy People Do

10/9/2014

According to recent research published in Psychology Today, there are specific things that people who reported being happy consistently do. Incorporating these into your life may just improve your happiness.

1. Think about the past fondly. Happy people were shown to consistently remember the good things in their memories and to not dwell on the negatives. They also tend to focus on the present and not get stuck in the past or looking way beyond to the future. So pause to remember the past but live in the present moment. And don’t dwell on what has already been and can’t be changed!

2. “Catch” the emotions of others. Happy people were found to be much better at soaking up the emotions of others whether it was joy or sadness. They are often those people who have a contagious smile as a result and that you can’t help smiling back at. They also respond back to others’ smiling at them with a smile and internally feel joy when doing so. We all could smile more and benefit from the warm smiles of others! Try it and see if you get a smile back.

3. Live in a great community. Past research has repeatedly shown that social connections can decrease the impact of depression especially on older people. Happy people reported enjoying coming home to their community every day and reported a sense of “belongingness” in their community. Get out in your community and get to know your neighbors.

4. Manage their money well. Happy people were shown more often to budget their money and not impulse buy. They had financial goals in place such as saving for retirement, paying off student loans or saving for college. Managing your money now can create continued happiness in the future.

5. Spend their money on life experiences instead of material items. Instead of spending their money on expensive homes, fancy cars, and extensive wardrobes, happy people tended to spend money on vacations, hobbies or other experiences with family and friends. After all, you can’t take your riches with you when you die.

Although research suggests that we are born with a happiness set point determined by our genetics, there is also research citing that happiness can be developed and honed like a habit. So choose happiness by engaging in the above behaviors and see if it will change your outlook on life. It can’t hurt!

Finding Balance...Getting Through Your To Do List

9/29/2014

Does life and your seemingly endless “To Do” list ever get you overwhelmed? For most people, unless you have a personal assistant, a nanny, a cleaning lady, a personal shopper, a chauffeur and a chef all in your employ, the answer is yes! In honor of September being Self Improvement Month, try a new strategy for getting things done and being happier as a result. Gretchen Rubin, the author of the Happiness Project, introduced an idea that she received from a reader on her blog website which is focused on making changes in twenty days, the average time it takes for a new behavior to become habit. The Odd/Even Strategy works like this. On odd numbered days, you focus on getting all the tedious and challenging tasks on your “To Do” list done. This strategy can be especially effective for those individuals who may be caring for an aging parent and trying to manage your household and theirs (keeping up with bills, sorting paper piles, grocery shopping, banking, home repairs and the rest of the list). On even numbered days, you focus on yourself and getting your stuff done. But as an added bonus, on even days you also take time to do something you enjoy (getting a manicure, going for a walk, having a glass of wine and curling up with a good book) even if it is just for thirty minutes. This way you will have something to look forward to every other day and it will hopefully help you push through the tough tasks on odd days. It also helps you by scheduling time to get those tedious tasks done so as to avoid putting them off all week long. So try the Odd/Even strategy and see for yourself if it creates more harmony in your life!

Super Simple Ways To Practice Mindfulness Everyday

9/22/2014

Mindfulness is the practice of calming the mind in order to be in the present moment. In our fast paced and stressed out world, we often forget to slow down and “smell the roses”. Mindfulness teaches us to do just this. Often we don’t engage in mindfulness for the exact reasons that we should; we are too busy to fit it into our busy days. Or the practice of mindfulness may seem unfamiliar. Simple mindfulness practice is actually easier than we think. In fact, an article in the Huffington post in June 2014 uncovered six ways that many of us are already practicing mindfulness without even knowing it.

Here are six ways that you may already be practicing mindfulness in your everyday life:

1.Talking to your child about his day. When we talk to our children and attend to the details of our child’s story, we are living in the present moment. With the stresses of parenting and juggling schedules, we often rush through our days. But, if we are able to stop and enjoy our children in the moment, it creates memories and strengthens are relationships with our children.

2. Taking in a sunset after dinner. Being able to take in the beauty of the sun setting, sitting on the deck sipping wine after dinner, or watering the garden allows us to experience the present moment and the beauty of nature.

3. Taking a bedtime shower. What better way to wash away the stress of the day than a bedtime shower? The warm water of the shower flowing over you can relax and calm you, freeing you from the stress of the workday even if it’s just for a few minutes.

4. Playing on a softball team. Professional teams today teach their athletes mindfulness exercises to help improve performance. Many sports require focus in order to keep up with the fast pace of the play or to improve skills of the game. Likewise, when we as adults engage in recreational sports, like being on a coed softball team, we have to focus on the present moment and what is happening on the field or we may make an error, miss a catch, or get clocked in the face if we are focused instead on our never ending “to do” list or work responsibilities.

5. Savoring dessert. When we are able to slow down and savor each delicious bite of that cheesecake, we are practicing mindful eating. And, mindful eating has been shown to be linked to better eating habits, weight management, and overall health. Conversely, if we rush through our meals or fall victim to eating in front of the tv, we often don’t recognize signals from our stomach to our brain that we are full.

6. Cooking Dinner. When we cook dinner for ourselves or others, we are in the moment focusing on ingredients and steps to food preparation. If not, we risk chopping our finger instead of the veggies or leaving out a crucial ingredient. Many people enjoy cooking as a past time and find it an outlet for stress.

As you can see, the practice of mindfulness doesn’t have to be a super involved and tedious task! It can be as simple as the everyday avenues mentioned above. Any amount of mindfulness benefits us. Simply slowing down, taking a deep breath and focusing on the present can have great benefits!

Self Injury Among Teens...The Silent Face Of Suicide

9/18/2014

Life is stressful. Teens today have so many things to contend with from academic pressure to social pressure to parental pressure to the pressure of getting into the best college. Many are running from activity to activity all evening while carrying a full schedule of AP classes all day. But is it all too much? These high achieving, "go go go" teens are prone to depression. Some even struggle with suicidal thoughts, whether it is a vague "not wanting to be here anymore" or a plan to end their lives. Many teens also struggle with emotional regulation or the ability to make sense of and cope with emotions. An alarming new trend is the number of teens struggling with self injury, though. They regulate what they are feeling by inflicting injury on themselves from cuts to abrasions to burns. And they do so for many reasons. Often, these teens are attempting either to feel something or to numb out overwhelming emotions that they are feeling. In fact, Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health Hospital in Hoffman Estates reported a 147% increase in self injury patients hospitalized in their program between 2008 and 2014. Many of the patients at ABBH are those high achieving, talented, overloaded kids described above. Unfortunately the sad fact is that often these teens are trying to cope with underlying suicidal thoughts and avoid acting on them. This is why treating them is difficult. Their self injury is a coping skill for suicidal thoughts and actions, albeit an unhealthy one. September is National Suicide Awareness Month, a time to be aware and get teens and other individuals who are at risk for suicide the help that they need. Self injury should be included in this awareness. If you have a friend or loved one whom you notice unexplained cuts, abrasions, marks or bruises on, talk to him/her and get him/her the help he/she needs to potentially save his/her life.